Alternate Universe Plot Twist: Twitter Earnings Call Stunner

Twitter finally goes hard at @Hottopic, launches pop-up mall retailer ‘#TrendingTopic’, to sell Vine celeb merch + 3D printed accessories. ‘they’ve been riding our realtime coattails for too long over there,’ said @dickc, in well under 140 characters. ‘starting now, if it trends, we vends.’

Analysts rejoiced: ‘we all wondered when Twitter was going to take a swing at the cash pinata that IS mall retailing…I can speak for the street when I say Cinnabon and STRONG BUY, baby!’

yes, I’m kidding.